OTWOMD | Bluepanjeet.Net

Today was my most embarrassing moment. Ooops lets make that my most humiliating experience ever. I have been humiliated many times that in hindsight I just laugh at it instead of getting bitter. Humiliation? There were so many. I have experienced being humiliated by my teacher in front of my crush when I was in grade school —> blag! Thought it was the worst. And then again I am always humiliated by some close friends and family members but never made a big deal out of it coz I always thought that sometimes I too humiliate people even if I am not aware of it. I have also shared some humiliation in public—> Yup, I am not ashamed of it, actually I laugh at it whenever memory lane passes by. Some of it was toilet classics:

When I was in the 5^th grade, my father sent me to town to buy some electrical materials. I was wearing white basketball shorts, which during those times; your balls are unconsciously and visually accessible to the public’s disgust. While the sales clerk was preparing what I ordered, I felt something terrible in my abdomen. There was something crawling inside me that was vehemently painful, until it exploded unexpectedly and uncontrollably. I would not put into detail what’s inside between my butt and my shorts, let’s just say that something that should not come out beyond the toilet bowl released itself like a lava flowing from the mouth of a newly erupted volcano. It gushed out from its source and I felt its liquid consistency almost streaming down my gluteal area. I told the sales clerk to hold the materials for me until I get back.

As I went out of the store, which was in the main street of our City, I kept my legs close because of fear of releasing copious amount of malodorous liquid… To cut the story short, I crawled inside the Tricycle (a local taxi) and told the driver to head for our street. The Driver kept staring at me, because I was sitting at the edge of the seat. Hello! I cannot sit in full butt because I was afraid that if I did, the pooh might get pressed and the seat might get stained brown… urgh gross! Luckily, the driver did not dare ask me why I was at the edge of my seat because if he did, I would really jump out of the tricycle inconsiderate of injury that I might acquire. The humiliation on the street was enough to last me that day, and I was so thankful that Manong (Mister) Driver kept everything in his thoughts because if he didn’t, I would readily jump out of that trike. As (ass!) I got off the vehicle; I covered my behind with my shirt to avoid being noticed by all bystanders and passersby in front of our house. Cool! Ha-ha

Another instance was during my college years in Batangas City (a 4-hour drive from our City). I left Lucena via bus en route to San Juan-Rosario-Ibaan highway. It was Monday morning so expectedly; the bus was cramped with many students on their way to Lyceum. But as the bus turned left in Candelaria (two town away from our City), My stomach turned sour as well. Again, I had a pending anal and rectal eruption. However, because I was so cognizant of the passengers, I used all my remaining powers, conscious and unconscious, to control the surging rebellion inside my colon. Unfortunately, my super powers did not held on much further… I almost gave in until I stood up and shouted with a loud voice and slightly shivering: Pull over please! The bus stopped in the middle of a vast rice field. And oh yes, all eyes were on me. The Conductor asked “Why are you getting off here? Your ticket is until Batangas City?” With smirked face and obviously holding on to the powers that be, I replied with poise “I forgot something”. The conductor was so puzzled with me that he tried to stop my sudden decision with numerous questions. But my gut was so terribly churning inside (and take note out of my butt), and damn that conductor, because of him the entire bus passenger population stared at me in silence (now that was awkward!). I told him in my defense (of not giving any hint to the passengers what was really happening inside my pants) “It’s none of your business!” I immediately got off the bus, with my remaining powers; I kept my ass closed as I waited for it to move along, hoping in a galaxy far far away…

As if my oddity was not enough to humiliate me, the students in the bus tried to fit their heads in the window just to get a glimpse of me. While the bus was moving along the highway, stupid passengers continued staring at me. That’s why until the bus vanished from oblivion, I kept my composure to spare myself from further embarrassment. And when the bus was out of sight, I quickly jumped into the rice field, pulled down my pants and released that much anticipated pleasurable moment: “Ahhhhhhh! that was priceless!”I said to myself. My shoes and, socks and even my pants were all wet, (I’ll just leave it to your imagination). Until I was about to clean my self, I remembered that I forgot my handkerchief and toilet paper in my bag. Ironically, my bag was at the roadside of the highway. I was unable to get my bag because I was half nude and I’m not yet washed (hahahaha)…

It was so depressing. I can’t use any leaves to wipe out my behind because of its sharp edges, and the leaves of the rice stalks where so narrow and thin. It will either, take me forever to wipe my behind or acquire abrasions in my butt upon cleaning it. Common sense and resourcefulness: I imitated Incredible Hulk. I tore up my brief (crrrrrkkk) and used it to wipe my bottom. After that horrible ordeal, I went to look for a nearby Cartesian well to refresh myself and pretended nothing happened. On my way to Batangas, people were clueless that I was not wearing any undies. When I arrived late in my Zoology class (of course I first went straight to my dorm to remove all the stench of that horrible incident), my only answer to my professor, who was angry at me for being late in his cadaver dissecting class was: “Sorry professor, something came up!” lol.

I already had so many embarrassing moments including when I stood up and went to the stage to get a raffle prize, only to find out that it was not my name that was called. There was also this instance when I was walking with my crush, and as my hand moved like a pendulum simultaneous with the rhythm of my pace, it accidentally got caught in her skirt and exposed her red underwear. And off course, would you be able to say something when at the moment you opened the comfort room (we had a common comfort room in my former company), your colleague, whom you consider as your second mother, was there sitting in the toilet in all her urinary glory! But amidst of all these funny humiliation is a humiliating experience I just had that almost made me vanish instantly into thin air.

I attended the acquaintance party today in my former work. I was planning not to attend because I was not anymore part of their institution. However, the faculty insisted. And the newly passed RNs kept on inviting me because they will be given a tribute. Therefore, I went at the occasion. At the middle of the program, there were special numbers. I was sitting with the new RNs and having a great time laughing while we pick on the bloopers of the students performing in the stage. It was until my pet batch entered the limelight for their performance. They were my first batch to handle in the University that is why they were so special to me.

During their performance, all of the audiences were quiet as if they were waiting for a disaster to happen… In show of support, I shouted aloud “I LOVE YOU THIRD YEAR”. As always in every program, I am the one who trigger pandemonium among the crowd. I usually shout in support of someone, and everybody shouts back in response. But tonight was very different. After my booming voice, the silent crowd became quieter than ever. No one reacted. The faculty glanced at me and most of my friends at the table did not react.

My super powers manifested. Whenever I am humiliated my skin turns red, perspires heavily and is able to sink through floors and pass through walls and can vanish into thin air. I was so embarrassed that I felt all eyes were on me. I immediately sent an SMS to my former students across our table and I lamented to them my embarrassment. Many of them replied and explained that they didn’t hear what I shouted. Intentional or unintentional, I have no choice but to literally sink in my place. Nevertheless, in denial of what had just happened, I resumed into noise mode after a minute or two to cover up the growing embarrassment inside of me, but in truth, my ego was severely tested. Even if I wanted to laugh at it, I can’t seem to make sense, because in fairness to what had just happened, it’s not that really funny. It’s obviously and explicitly embarrassing!

My mentor in the seminary always told me that humiliation is the perfect way to humility. Humility came from the Latin word humus meaning dirt or soil. As always, God asks us to become dirt and soil in order to acquire humility. This virtue is the most difficult of all virtues because it requires us to strip off all our pride and vanity. And this time, I had my own taste of bad medicine. Its all water under the bridge now. No more time to cry over spilled milk. But the important thing is not the experience itself but the lessons we acquire from it. All of us shared some humiliation one way or another and sometimes we get bitter of the things that humiliated us. But at the lighter side of things, it keeps us grounded. It helps us to accept our humanness and the reality of our vulnerability to pain and suffering. It keeps our feet flat, knowing our respective place in the greater scheme of things.

There are some humiliations that are worth telling, and some are intended to be kept as a secret. Nevertheless, in order to be free from the guilt of these humiliations is to accept it as it happens. One-step to maturity towards humiliation is to tell them openly. It is hard to tell our story but it will show how powerful we are in accepting things, even the most embarrassing moments of our life.

I really don’t know if after so many years, I would still laugh at it as I recall the dreaded moment of humiliation. But I’m really hoping that I would get over it, in the first place, I never run out of things to laugh at or make me happy despite the series of unfortunate events that transpires. But one thing’s for sure. Next time I will use an amplifier when I shout, just to make sure that the crowd would hear me out and react whenever I lead them into pandemonium. If they would still ignore me, I’ll just pull the pin of my hand held grenade and blow them up for their hearing impaired stupidity. Of course, it is intended just to make you laugh at my humiliation