I’ve been here in my journey of my lifetime for almost two months now. I can’t believe that I made this far. Looking back two months before today, I was hesitant to apply on the vacant position which I learned from a very unassuming paper. I was even– “huh! as if I can pass the interiew”. But then again, I did try to apply. Out of hundreds who went through the hiring process, I was the lucky one who passed through the eye of the needle (as they say). Perhaps because partly I badly needed a job so that I won’t be stuck on my current cause of stagnation (physically and mentally speaking) but mostly I needed a break from my endeavor which proved to be futile, unproductive and an utter failure which cost me three years of my life which I wouldn’t be able to gain back. But I always believe failure is not the end of everything. Everything will come in time. Everything will fit into its proper place in the proper time.

My wait actually ended last December of 2009 when I tried applying for the position which I am humbly concealing to you for confidentiality purposes.

These is the main reason why since December up to now I haven’t written anything worth reading yet on this blog.

My journey took me to the highest peak of the country, through the most chaotic of all places in the jungle and amidst the fiercest and wildest animals of the planet, fighting for survival in a seemingly crowded oasis over a dry, barren and God forsaken wilderness in the corner of the earth.

When I went through the hiring process which started last November, all I could think of was fear. I’ve been stagnant for three years in the little corner of my world called geekdom, waiting for the shooting star of opportunity to fall. When it finally came, I felt I was not anymore confident in catching it, but was actually afraid of getting burned in the hand by the fiery embers it emits on its tail.

It’s not easy to regain the confidence level when all you did for three years was to converse with people you dont know from adam in front of computer and from time to time go out, meet some real people on your history list whose collective thinking is as hard as a rock and the frame of mind is as fixed as the prices of coffee in star bucks with no hope of even going down even for a cent.

It was a mere impossibility to actually be considered in the highly coveted position. But you know, the funny thing about fate is, it doesnt just put you in the starngest of all circumstances just because it randomly selected you as its victim, but because it placed you in the right place at the right time, as if the whole universe conspired like a planet in the middle of the conjuction of the moon and the sun or in a bus stop wherein the last bus just happen to pass by when the last trip has allready been cancelled.

What im trying to say is.. whatever is happening in our life, it is not just a result of our own efforts or just a whim of serendipity or the mischief of the grand scheme of things. Everything actually happens according to God’s plan.

Believe it or not everything that I’m experiencing right now are not the things that I expected or even wanted. but you see at the end of the day, when you look at it in detail or in the perspectiveofg the big picture, it seems that I was in the right place, at the right time at the right moment when the alignment of “luck” and “fate” cross path over “destiny’s route”.

It as if im on a chess game, i am the pawn and God is the player. Taking me to every route possible across the checkered board and letting me face the most reverend of all bishops, the noblest of all knights, the grandest of all kings and the loveliest of all queens. Sometimes the player holds me on my nape and swoosh me across the board only to place me face to face with the same pawn, my miror image and the darkside of my inner self. Yet with no hesitation of any kind, I just let the hand of the divine player drag me from one move to another until I finally realize that am the only one left remaining, standing . I survived…

And now I’m on my second month…third month if you will actually count the times when I was subjected to a long and exhausting screening of the hiring process. And yet I am still here, conquered all of my fears and actually triumphed every obstacles that were placed over, before and beyond me.—- From the fear of the unusual, fear of the unknown to the fear of roaches and rats that visits my room every now and then. all of them I have accepted wholeheartedly as an inevitable attachment to my 201 file on the Lord’s office and as an irrevocable clause and insertion on my contract with the Lord in obeying him and being docile to him even on the tiniest of all instances. At first I was wondwering where all these things would lead me since the last thing I wanted is to waste another 3 years of my life in pursuing something intangible, unattainable and virtually unreacheable. Yet upon insight, everything made themselves known in the light of God’smercy and kindness.

I know, its hard to decipher what im actually trying to say. I have never been this vague and sporadic with my posts before, but as usual, confidentiality prohibits me to divulge everything in detail,like what showbiz personality says, “it’s too early to tell”, so let me just express everything in words that are dictated to me right now by the wisdom of what I actually learned from this experience.

Mostly, it will take me months and years before I can actually recognize the purpose and significance of everything that is happening to me— “it is always in the hindsight” as what Richard Rohr always say in his books. But at this very moment while I transcribe the abstractions of my thoughts into concrete verbalization, I happen to understandthe meaning and purpose of my current journey. Everything has been given to me in understanding with the wisdom of the spirit. I am placed here because not that I deserve it but because I needed it and God wanted it.

Two months ago, my only prayer was to be able to accept everything that he will throw on my way and that he may place me in the right place, meet the right people and be on the right time. I guess this is a proof that God trully listens.

In my current jorney, I am in an exodus, like most of you I guess.

We have our own journeys. We have our own exoduses. We have our own desert experiences. Our own promise lands. Our own pharoahs, plagues and darkness. Simply said, our journey is unique in every way, taileored for us and fits us like a sprocket to a wheel…

But on our crossing through the red sea or our endless walk at the shores of the river jordan or the crossing over the desert, God is always there going before us, likea pillar of cloud during the day, and Pillar of fire during the night… burning and aflamed… with such thunderous and reverent voice saying… “I am here with you”…

May you find the Pillarof fire in God as you take your own journey…

God Bless!