Having this weekly Sunday Gospel reflection is actually not easy. Some of you might say that it’s a burden on my part because writing my daily posts candidly and spontaneously is very different from writing a weekly reflection. I am neither a priest nor a deacon, yet I strive hard to go back radically to my seminary roots just to have a sense of spirituality on my blog. Though I enjoy writing reflections because to tell you the truth this is really my forte ever since, but sometimes it’s hard to come up with relevant and timely reflection especially when you are so precoccupied with so many things and you have little time to reflect on the Sunday Gospel.

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Usually, what I do is I read the gospel with matching background music (for enhancement of meditation), then I close my eyes and keep quiet, physically and spiritually, hoping and waiting that somehow a nudge from the Holy Spirit would come, and then I will able to have something essential to ponder, absorb and take with me the coming week ahead.

But this Sunday is difficult. I have read the Gospel early this morning at 5 am and have been reflecting till 10:00 am (manila time) yet my mind is still blank… until now. Waiting for the Word to sink in is like waiting for the rain to pour on a very hot summer day or it is somewhat like waiting for a person to arrive on your 12 Noon lunch date when the roads are clogged with traffic…

I am reminded today that reflections doesn’t come from the mind but from the heart. There is no better way to reflect than going back to your experiences which taught you more than the books that you have read in the past, for as the axiom goes, experience is the best teacher.

And as I reflect on my experience, I can’t help but be reminded of my recent Grandmother’s death wherein all of us in the family were already anticipating that she will pass away soon and when she did, all of us were ready. Those seven hours of second life when she was resuscitated seems to be like forever. Yet the waiting was peaceful and calm as ever. We knew that our Grandmother would die that evening, because our Family physician already told us so that it wont take 24 hours for my Grandmother to live that long. So in our anticipation and vigil, we kept praying the Rosary. We did not sleep. We watch over her as we surrounded her with love and prayers. And finally, she expired, as her BP dropped and her heartbeat gave its last pump.

Witnessing how my Grandmother lived and die is like seeing our lives unfold before our very eyes wherein all of us would all experience the same passing whether we like it or not. But what is striking on my Grandmother’s death is her readiness to die, which all of us are afraid of.

You see, every night, my Grandmother prays the rosary devotedly. She usually doesn’t finish the rosary because she often fall asleep, but when she wakes up, she starts all over again then she falls asleep once more. This endless cycle of my Grandmother’s prayer went on ever since she became weak and cannot anymore stay awake for a period of time, to even finish a whole mystery of the Rosary.

Like my Grandmother’s prayer, our life is also like that. We start in the beginning, then we fall asleep. Then when we are aroused, we realize that we have been sleeping for a long time, and then we start all over again until we commit the same cycle again and again.

But isn’t it how human nature really is?

We start today for a new leaf, tomorrow we would get back to our old sins. And then when we hit rock bottom, we start anew until we finally complete that cycle

Today’s Gospel talks about being vigilant, being watchful and waiting for the time wherein the Lord will come again to be with us, the least we expect it. This is actually the concept and the gist of what we are celebrating for this Sunday, the first week of Advent (literally means the coming). We should be watchful, ready and always on our feet because like death, we do not know when Christ will come to us.

The Coming of Christ is actually twofold: (1) his Physical comeback wherein before our eyes, God will Judge us and we will all see how we lived our life and how God see’s it and then finally take us to where we eternally belong (heaven or hell).

and the second one is (2) the everyday coming of Christ where in he visits us through our conscience, constantly reminding us that we need to go back to the basics and renew our life, every day, every minute for the rest of our life.

I myself is a sinner. And sometimes, right before your eyes, you can read my human flaws in this blog of mine, my mistakes, my weakness and my frailties, heck even my psychological incapacities and my defense mechanisms. Others are comfortable of hiding their flaws and sanitizing their blogs with their goodness and goodwill. But I am different. I am not like that.

Eversince I started this blog, one of my goal is to show the world that being human is okay. I never regret that sometimes I write the contents of my blog interspersed with various moods and topics, from the very conservative religious topics to seemingly outright sarcastic and annoying posts. Some judge me as someone who is not consistent with my convictions. Others see me as a big mouthed fake catholic blogger. Yet I don’t care because I know in myself that I have nothing to hide. It is when the diversity of my contents show in my blog that you can decipher the pattern of my journey as a human being: The most sarcastic and blatant posts shows the height of my temperament and my absence in the state of Grace and my most reverent and consevative posts manifests the Spirit living in me at that moment.

You see, I am more flattered when people say that “Im human” instead of telling me that I am “nice or good”. Because eversince being human is the starting point to reach the Divine. To ascend to the Divine, one must first know and acknowledge himself as being human. As what St. Francis tell us, “what man before God is he is and nothing more”.

Like my Grandmother’s prayer, I too always begins and start and then fall asleep in a deep slumber until when I am aroused, I start all over again. This has been my pattern every year. I go to confession which will be good for 3 months or more, and then I come back to my old ways until I hit rockbottom when I will start again to renew my relationship with God. This is my very own pattern as well some of you, whether you admit it or not.

But the Lord’s mercy doesn’t take on account on how many weu have started our life again or how many times we fell over and over again. What I think matters most to the Lord is that we keep on trying. We keep on starting anew until we reach the perfection we are longing for. Even saints did not start perfect. Saints became saints just because they strive so hard to renew their life everyday until they reach their perfection. And that is the Challenge for all of us.

To try and try until we succeed is one of the virtue called fortitude.

So what if we sin in the past? Who doesn’t?

So what if we have flaws? who deosn’t

and so what if we fall and start again? Who doesn’t?

Isn’t the reason why pencils have erasers, is to erase those gibberish? or why a tabula was invented, to erase the scribble and start a new clean slate? The Sacrament of Reconciliation was instituted by Christ because he knew that one way or another, we all need to renew ourselves and start over again from the falling asleep during our wait for his Advent.

Today’s Gospel doesn’t only reminds us to wait for the Lord in hope and in Joy, but also to renew ourselves no matter how we are disgusted and feel unworthy of our selves due to our mistakes in the past. Everyone of us deserve to have a second chance, or even third or forth, no matter what it takes, as long as we strive to start all over again and achieve perfection.

Just early this morning I thought I could never write a reflection for this week because of my disgust to myself and recent exposure that I made to some of my “email buddies” regarding my psychological incapacity which I would not disclose here for reasons irrelevant to this post. Yet, as I type these words which you are reading now, gradually I begin to accept that fault of mine, charging it into my vault of experience and striving hard to avoid doing it again.

If I waited all day to be inspired, and I did not start writing this post, I would have never finished this refelction. Just like in life, if we waited forever without even starting our life everyday, Christ will come to us, the least he expect it, and we will all be in his presence unprepared. And all our waiting in lifetime, will just eventually end up in vain.

Listen to his Voice, because Jesus is the only voice to listen to, when everything is noisy and loud, in and out of ourselves. Listening to His voice in our conscience, everyday as we wait, is not waiting in vain.

May you and your family, wherever they are, be Blessed this coming weeks as we wait in joyful hope for the Birth of our dearest Lord.

Pax et Bonum!

*This post is especially dedicated to the eternal repose of the soul of Cera Isabella, who died a few days ago from Leukemia. And to the family and Loved ones of Rebecca, my ever generous and unselfish friend from California.

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Prayer for the Advent Wreath this Sunday

Lord, our God,
we praise You for Your Son, Jesus Christ,
for He is Emmanuel, the Hope of all people.
He is the Wisdom that teaches and guides us.
He is the Savior of us all.
O Lord,
let your blessing come upon us as we light the first (purple) candle of this wreath.
May the wreath and its light be a sign of Christ?s promise of salvation.
May He come quickly and not delay.
We ask this in His holy name. Amen.

This week’s Sunday Readings:
Book of Isaiah 63,16-17.19.
Psalms 80(79),2-3.15-16.18-19
First Letter to the Corinthians 1,3-9
Gospel of according Mark 13,33-37