The incredible story of how my Grandmother died twice: Sometimes I really don’t understand why man’s life is so short. One day they are still with you, the next day their gone. I guess this is really the fate of each and everyone of us, to pass in this life and live the life the Lord wanted us to live. The Story that you are about to read is an incredible story of how my Grandmother died twice and how she was able to prove that man’s life remains precious despite the failure of the brain to function accordingly. It is a mysterious reality, that in a dying person, when every function of his body shuts down, it is the heart and the ears that makes all the difference. Many times I have been a witness to this wherein comatose patients respond to various circumstances and in which they react when they hear their family and friends talking to them. I never expected that we would experience this in our very own Grandmother

Two days before my Grandmother died, I learned about her condition through my mom and told her to constantly check the coherence and consciousness of Nanay (My Grandmother) because once the disorientation kicks in, the bad progression begins.

So for days, every time my aunt and my mom would arrive in the hospital they keep asking my Lola

“Nanay kilala nyo pa ako” (Mother, do you still recognize me?).

And my grandmother would always say in her own usual philosophical wit

“Ay oo naman, anak kita ah” (but of course, you are my daughter/son).

But because my mom and my aunt continued the interrogation and checking her coherence for days, my Lola (Grandmother) got annoyed with the question and blurted out

“Hindi, usig-kayo ng usig” (NO! You always presume!) haha.

Ganon ka pilosopa ang Lola ko. Nasa ospital na comedy pa.

You see my Lola is a clown in the making. She never failed to make us laugh even if she doesn’t really try it. It was an effortless happiness that became so contagious in our family that whenever we had big or small gatherings, laughter would always be the main ambience.

But during her final moments, we really thought that the laughter would stop there and then and my Lola would leave us in a very lonely and depressed state. But we were wrong. Even in her death, the laughter and happiness was still there, but in a totally different context and level, in which you have this sorrow of her passing, and at the same time, the Joy in that corner of your life, where she took part of your growing up in love and care.

Hours before my Grandmother died, she asked my sister for food. When my sister fed her, she was so hungry that it seems she was telling us that it will be her last. After she ate, she became restless and said

“Tayo na. matagal pa ba. naiinip na ako. umuna na tayo” (Let’s go. I wanted to go. Let’s go ahead).

My sister replied jokingly

“ah ah kayo na lang nanay ang umuna” ( I don’t want to Grandma, you go ahead without me)

and then laughter filled the room where our other relatives also came to visit her.

That was the last time that my Grandmother was heard talking. She started conversing to people invisible to her caregivers and blurting words that are meant for somebody else other than the people inside the room, as if telling us that she is ready to go. Then my Lola felt the unusual exhaustion and told my aunt that she wanted to sleep. My aunt tucked her in, caressed her forehead and she peacefully slept for a few hours. That was the time when she began her gradual journey in the after life.

Back at home

Meanwhile, at home, my mom told me that the doctor already gave them the last resort: dialysis. She was going back to the hospital for their meeting where all of her siblings will be there to inform them about the last resort and make a unanimous decision for our grandmother. Our family doctor told us that the only thing we can do to prolong her life and make her comfortable was through dialysis.

In my mother’s mind, my Lola cannot anymore take that kind of procedure because she was already in pain. The veins in my Grandmother’s arms are already swollen and inflamed from numerous needle pricks from the IV infusion and the dialysis would just hasten her death. So she decided to call a meeting in the hospital for their decision as a family. But before she left for the hospital, I suggested to convey Nanay’s situation to our aunt living in LA so that she will be informed. She was the only one who was not here in the Philippines when my Lola died.

As I conveyed the information to my aunt via web cam (3 am LA time), she began to cry. I was controlling my emotion because I have to be strong. My cousin who was supposed to comfort my aunt was also crying vehemently, that I thought my aunt should be the one to comfort my cousin instead my cousin comforting her. Sobs and cries filled my room via my speakers and for the first time in my life I did not know what to say. Yet as a nurse I have the obligation to be objective and be composed so that clear information will be conveyed.

When our conversation ended and the messenger turned off, a loud cry was heard on my parents room. My Father cried when my mother called him and broke the news that my Grandmother already passed away, moments after I ended the conversation with my aunt. I took the phone from my dad and talked to my mom and she asked me to break the news to my aunt in LA who just finished crying.

As I hurried back to my computer and hoping that my aunt and cousin were still awake, I was wondering how I would be able to handle the message calmly and with subtlety this time. I was thinking, if my aunt cried when my Grandmother was still alive, how much more when my Lola is already dead?

When I went online again, my cousin was on the chat and told me that they already knew because someone from the hospital already called them. At that time that I was on chat, my cousin was also on chat, while my aunt in LA was talking over the phone with my other aunt who was inside the hospital room of my Lola, and my mother on the cell talking to my father. I tell you, it was an exposition of information superhighway, where everyone is connected in real time across thousands of miles.

Until my mom told me over the phone,

“teka teka hindi pa sure na patay” (Wait its not yet sure if she’s dead).

So I typed in the messenger

“hindi pa daw patay si nanay” (Grandma is not yet dead).

My cousin replied

“my tibok na daw ang puso” (There is already a heartbeat).

“Thank God” I said over the chat. “Mamatay si nanay ng di ko man lang nadadalaw pa sa Hospital”

And then there was silence on all ends of communication, waiting for our grandmother to be revived. That was the longest silence I ever experienced as if the world stood still.

The horrible silence was broken when my father who was so emotionally drained said

“ano ba patay na o hindi pa? ano ba talaga?” (Is she dead or is she alive? which is which?)

It was during this time that my cousin Jess who was in the hospital texted Jemae, his sister in manila

“Ate, Nanay died, then she came back, then she’s dying again”.

Jemae, receiving the message was confused. She doesn’t know if she would laugh or she would cry with the message. I think she’s not alone in that predicament because at that time, each and everyone of us were equally confused as of our Grandmother’s status.

The final confirmation that my Lola was really alive came when my mother called again and told us to come to the hospital as soon as possible or we would not anymore see her alive.

So my father, my nephew and I went to the hospital…

What really happened in the Hospital

What really transpired in the hospital was this…

After my aunt let my Lola sleep for a few hours, she went to the blessed sacrament in the hospital to pray. And was asking the Lord to make the decision for them for they cannot bear such heavy decision. While a day before that, my mom had also said the same intention when she started praying the Novena to Padre Pio. My aunt who was in LA cannot sleep at that time prior to my chat for reasons she can’t understand.

After my aunt prayed in the blessed sacrament, she went back to the room of my Lola. After a while she saw the chaplain of the hospital pass by the corridor and asked the priest if she could do the last rites for my Grandmother. The priest (retired as he was) was in a very grouchy mood and even gave an unsolicited sermon to my aunt:

“hindi nyo ba alam na dapat conscious yan pag bibigyan ng last rites. eh unconscious na yan eh” (Don’t you know that the person should be conscious when giving the last rites? That is already unconscious)

and he went on without any empathy for my Grandmother. But my aunt was so persistent that the Priest had no choice but to grant her request. The priest who was skeptic in my Grandmother’s conscious state started reciting the last rites. At that time, my mother and other uncles were already present in the room. The Priest was lucky that I was not there because I would really reprimand him of his action and would willingly engage myself in a theological discussion regarding the last rites, the conscious state of the dying and sympathy for the suffering.

When the priest asked my grandmother if she would receive the holy communion (at that point my grandmother cannot anymore speak nor open her eyes), she did not reply. My aunt whispered to my Grandmother

“nanay kung gusto mo raw po ba mag communion?” (Mother, do you want to receive the communion?)

Miraculously, my Grandmother raised her eyebrows with all her might indicating a very definitive answer of “YES” and proving the Priest’s assumption wrong. At that point, the Priest gave a small piece of the Eucharist (the body of Christ) which we catholics believe that Jesus is present there, not just symbolically but substantially, physically and spiritually.

As the Eucharist were placed in my Grandmother’s tongue, she breathed her last in a very calm and peaceful manner.

Moans and cries filled the room, in which my mother have the talent to lead the clan in what seems to be a unified harmony of mourning and weeping.

At that instant, the code blue team arrived (the health care team made up of doctors, nurses and respiratory therapist) to resuscitate my Grandmother.

Ambo-bags were brought, oxygen tanks were dragged, oxymeters on hand and various machines intended to prolong the life of my grandmother were placed inside the room as they painstakingly perform CPR (cardio-pulmonary resuscitation).

Ten minutes passed: “shall we continue madame the resuscitation?” the doctor asked my family but no one answered because they were busy mourning and anticipating my Lola’s resuscitation.

Twenty minutes have passed: “Mam 20 minutes na po, itutuloy pa po ba namin?” (Madame, its already 20 minutes, shall we continue?) the doctor asked again. No one replied.

Thirty minutes have passed The doctors and nurses were already sweating from the endless pumping on my mother’s chest: “Mam 30 minutes na po ang nakalipas, itutuloy pa po ba namin?” (its already 30 minutes, will we continue?). Again no one replied.

Forty minutes have passed: This time, one of the male nurse was already on top of my Grandmother, pumping her chest in desperation and frustration. My mom and relatives cannot bear the sight in that room so they cried even more.

Forty four minutes later, my family decided to halt the resuscitation because they cannot anymore take the sight of my Lola being pumped violently by doctors and nurses alternatively.

My Grandmother was proclaimed dead. She passed away.

Until, just a few yards, when the last doctor left the room, my uncle saw my Grandmother breathe.

“Aba teka ate, nahinga si nanay” (Wait, mother is breathing) my uncle said to my mom.

My mom and aunt called back the doctors, the team in turn explained to them that it was due to the remaining oxygen pumped on her body.

But my uncle and aunt was not convinced.

“Aba mali, nahinga pa ang nanay ko” (No, you are making a mistake, my mother is still breathing).

…As the inhale and exhale became more evident and strong on my Grandmother’s body.

The doctors rushed back to have a definitive statement. They checked the heartbeat and the doctor who was skeptic from the very start told the family that there was no heartbeat. Just to convince our family, she gave the stethoscope to another doctor for a second opinion. Finally, the other doctor found a heartbeat. and they confirmed that there was a presence of a heartbeat.

They attached an ECG and there were wavelengths. It was final, my Grandmother came back to life.

Downstairs, the other doctors were already signing the death certificate of my Grandmother when they heard the news that she came back to life.

“Aba nabuhay pa nga eh, ang swerte naman ng matandang yun” (Shucks, she came back to life, how lucky that old woman was)

Our Family Physician told my relatives and family that it was a rare case.

Clinically when our body is deprived of oxygen for 6 minutes maximum, the brain cell begins to deteriorate and the body is proclaimed brain dead. If within ten minutes the heart begins to beat again, the body would be alive but it would be proclaimed brain dead because of the massive destruction of the brain cells.

In the case of my Lola, it is a mere impossibility, clinically speaking, to recover from death for the duration of 45 minutes. What happened to my Lola was presumed by the doctors as a medical wonder or a miracle that happened. It is as if she was ready to die, but not that sooner…

On the way to the hospital

In the car, there were silence between me, my dad and my nephew. I am was numbed. I don’t know what to say nor do I know what I was feeling back then. It is as if all my being was just floating due to the shock that the news caused me. I was expecting that my Grandmother would die soon, but not sooner. And especially not that day wherein I haven’t filled my slot in the sked with my turn to watch my Grandmother.

When I arrived in the hospital together with my dad, I saw legions of my cousins and uncles and aunts sitting on the corridor floor, resting, and recovering from the emotional shock which they experienced in that very small, cramped and very tiny private room which was the only available room in the building.

When I entered the room, I saw my grandmother, already yellowish from her Jaundice and mouth stretched because of the canula that was placed inside her throat for her ventilation. By this time she is now supported by machine and the doctor said that she will be alive for only a few hours.

Seeing the sorry state of my Lola, I wept hard that you can’t anymore tell if I was snoring or crying… That was the first time I cried and wept in front of my cousins and relatives. Good thing no one bothered to photo and video document the event. I was weeping and saying to my grandma as I caress her hands and arms,

“Magbabantay pa ako sa inyo sa biyernes, di nyo man lang ako hinintay” (I was supposed to watch over you on friday, you didn’t even wait for me)

Though our lola was already unconscious and we know she cant anymore move (who would? if a 100 pound behemoth male nurse kept pumping her chest for 45 minutes until her breast was left flat and dry!), we know she can still hear us. I wasn’t sure but my aunt said something about my Grandmother shedding a tear after she came back to life. So my aunt from LA called and talked to our grandmother while we put the phone over her ear. My sister who was also in CA talked to Lola over the phone. As well as our cousins abroad, who was in New York and sent a message to our Lola via sms, which our aunt whispered to my Lola’s ears.

After everyone went home to sleep for the remaining hours, I stayed in the hospital that night together with my mom, my aunt, my sister, and my two cousins. For the last time, I want to be with my Lola whom I never had the CHOICE to watch over her in the hospital that week, for the first time in the history of her hospitalization.

During that night we kept vigil. we prayed the Luminous and Glorious mysteries of the rosary as a thanksgiving to the ever powerful mercy of God. She expired at around 1 am in the morning, October 17, exactly ten days after the Feast of our Lady of the Rosary. We were praying the rosary as the nurse finally proclaimed her dead. (my Grandmother has a devotion to the rosary. She always pray the rosary and took it with her everywhere she goes, even in her deathbed).

Technically, we in my Grandmother’s family, including grandchildren, children and in laws here and abroad, were all able to say goodbye to our dearest Nanay Pastora before she finally died, the second time around. We were all present, virtually present and spiritually present in that room, at that exact moment, across the miles, in distances where physical and distant boundaries were defied, for our love of our Lola Pastora.

From the hospital, to the morgue up to the Funeral Parlor where she was embalmed, I was with her. I would have completed my time slot with my Grandmother throughout the night if not for my aunt’s second thoughts of having me on the side of my Lola, while she was being embalmed, or maybe I might have been asked by the embalmer as to what color of lipstick or blush-on would my grandmother wear on her coffin. Heck my mom even wanted to reconstruct my Lola’s lips on the 3rd day of the wake. But its all worth the sacrifice.

Huling hirit ni Nanay

The experience we had with our Lola was not bitter. We were able to weep during the time it is needed but after all the commotion ended. We finally accepted that She’s gone. To tell you the truth, during the five day wake of my Lola, the atmosphere was like a reunion. We, together with my boisterous cousins, slept in the Funeral Chapel, took turns in the vigil (which I was proven useless), and rolled mattresses just beside the coffin of our beloved Grandmother. Even our cousins as young as 5 years old slept in the chapel from the wee hours of the night until dawn, because sympathizers leave at midnight. Those five days of wake was filled with people saying their prayers, showing their love for her and paying her the last respect. That was the time that I realized that our Lola has touched so many lives in her lifetime. While we in the family, her grandchildren have our own prayer time for our Lola’s repose wherein we gather together when the people and sympathizers had left, and we pray the prayer for the dead or say the rosary in unison in front of her coffin.

During the funeral march, our Nanay pulled a last stint which really could have made us laugh if we were not mourning. Apparently, the funeral car, as it enters the gate of the Church, hiked on a ramp and caused its wheels to roll back. The people behind the funeral car, all step backwards in unison haha. It is as if doesn’t want the funeral to end that soon. The men on the march pushed the car as its wheels passed the ramp. Tingnan nyo naman ang Lola namin, ibuburol na lang, comedy pa!

When we arrived at the church, the pews were already filled with people. People we do not even know. and people we haven’t seen for such a very long time. The mass was pouring with people in and out of the Church.

As the mass started, my cousins and I served as the Choir. I played the guitar while my cousin Jemae was the soloist. When the time came that the coffin will be blessed with holy water by the immediate family, people began lining up. It was really amazing how many people took part of what supposed to be an exclusive act for the immediate family. We were even forced to play two full hymns for that blessing alone. There were also throngs of people in the cemetery that the twenty box of fruit juice that we bought for the sympathizers were instantly consumed. Kulang pa.

And as the remains of my Grandmother was laid on her tomb, we prayed the rosary before we left the cemetery.

In some cases, other families would still be in bitterness and denial over the loss of a loved one. But we, we were all at peace, just like the way she died. Because we know that our Lola lived a very religious, fruitful and love filled life, shared among her Grandchildren, children, in laws and relatives. For as my Grandmother always used to tell her friends when she was still alive:

“Swerte ako sa mga anak ko. ang kayamanan ko ay ang mga anak ko” (I’m lucky with my children. They are my treasure).

Because we, her Grandchildren, saw the way she nurtured and bred our parents, mature, loving and very responsible. I for one would pass that kind of nurturing and breeding if ever I will have my own family. For Our Lola will live in our hearts, even if takes us to die, then live and then die again in the Lord.

And today, as we celebrate her 40th day of her death, and in which it also took me 40 days and 5 complete revisions to write this story, we will miss our Nanay Pastora, whom we always tease for having the widest and biggest lips in the clan, for having the most naturally blonde hair in the family, for being the only person alive who roll calls all her children and grandchildren when calling someone, for calling the wrong number and asking the wrong person on the wrong house over the wrong phone, for always getting startled whenever we surprised her from behind, for all her giggles when we tell her stories sensible and senseless alike, for being the most celebrated Lola in our family’s history and for always ending everything with a bang, even unto his death… twice the time.

When I left the seminary all of my cousins and relatives, even my family doesn’t want me to go back to the seminary anymore. But during my last conversation with my Lola in the hospital last June, when we were both alone, we talked about spiritual things, about God, the sacraments, sins, heaven, the importance of confession (wherein I convinced her to go to confession) and the goodness of the Lord, she told me these words out of the blue, which up to this day, it still murmurs in my heart. It was the same thing that I am discerning for years now, in all secrecy. It is as if she understands what I am going through in life and she knows what my heart is really yearning. She told me:

“Utoy sana tumuloy ka ng pagpapari. Yun ang lagi ko pinagdadasal na sana bumalik ka sa seminaryo” (My child, I hope you pursue again your priesthood. That is what I always pray that you comeback in the seminary).

My sincere answer to her with my eyes turning misty…

“IN GOD’S TIME NANAY, IN GOD’S TIME”

just like when God called you to his presence…

May the souls of the faithful departed, Pastora, Eduardo, and Wilfredo rest in his Peace. Amen.