Yep I watched “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” already last Saturday and I tell you, just eat out the hundred bucks worth of ticket instead of actually going to the cinemas watching this second installment. It is disappointing since I was expecting a great battle between the protagonists and antagonists. I am not a warmonger, but is it not the main point why superhero flicks are made, aside from the good values and stuff? They have awesome powers but the characters were so dumb in using them. So here is my very own satire of the movie. If you haven’t watched it yet and wouldn’t want to be spoiled, then put on your force field and “flame off” from this post.

1. Cool flying Car (or is it a hover craft?). But with bad shape, bad color and bad dissection. I mean, why do even fly all together when it can separate itself into three parts? It’s like Voltron once again: “And I form the head”.

2. Cool powers but with bad taste. They used all their powers in senseless pursuit like for example Johnny (the human torch) chased the Silver Surfer from New York to Washington DC just to end up in the middle east (that too is mind boggling since the earth does not revolve that fast). He could have made a bold move in talking or stopping the enemy, but instead he idiotically landed in mid air on the hand of the surfer.

3. Too much blah. The scenes are dragging since the film focused so much effort in establishing an explanation why Reed and his former jock classmate had a very feisty dealing with each other.

4. The silver surfer did not have much power boast, since he was portrayed as a very powerful alien in the movie. It seems that all that he did was dig holes larger than the Araneta Coliseum, strangle some fire emitting guy, pass through walls like Shadowcat and blast some iron masked nuisance inside a glacier.

5. The gigantic holes created by the surfer did not affect the earth since it was deep enough to reach its core and could cause some geological disturbance on the surface. FYI: the core is the earth’s energy vault. The F4 could have done something in covering it (with what? With a meteor or with Thing?).

6. Most of the important scenes in the movie were already shown on the trailers and teasers. So there is really not much left to hold our breath in awe in the entire movie except the short dog chase with Von Doom on China.

I know, I know, I’m not the director. But isn’t it flattering that after watching the movie you can exclaim: “I can do better!!!”.

Just so you know, I slept after the first screening, hoping that when I wake up, the next showing would be better than the previous. Kidding!

BTW There is a sequel coming soon. Silver Surfer was floating in outer space after he blasted Galactus. It was shown after the credits. But I doubt that producers would make a sequel after the disastrous performance of this movie. Worst, this movie has no good soundtrack.