OTWOMD | Bluepanjeet.Net

I always have this insatiable desire to write down my experiences, thoughts, views and everything going on in my heart and mind, for me to at least express what is really inside of me. This desire to concretize the verbal word started in high school. A desire to become a school journalist was never really fulfilled, but was rather compensated by seasonal contributions of puzzles, trivia and games in the campus org. I never had that journalist’s confidence ever since that is why I never pursued school journalism in high school. But things turned around when I entered the Capuchin formation. There, tons of essays, term papers and reflection papers were beckoned on a daily basis, and sometimes, 2 or 3 reflection papers were due on the same day.

For some of my brothers in the seminary, writing reflection papers were enough punishment to last them for eternity. But for me, writing was my world, my cup of tea, my home away from home and my only pleasure. It is my sole outlet to express what is deep inside my soul, which I cannot fully deduce verbally. It was a world where I can fully become myself and run everything according to my heart’s desire. It is also in writing that God speaks to me constantly. Feeding me with immense inspiration and somehow letting me see myself as he sees me.

It is also in writing that I regain my sane side from time to time. From all the everyday stress that this world offers, writing becomes a temporary shelter from life’s painful bombardments. And yet writing becomes even more interesting when you play with words, inject some rhyme and then add some melody to it… you’ll never know that from mere scribbling, a masterpiece would be created, fundamentally called a song.

Writing became my comfort inside the seminary. All the loneliness and happiness in reflected morsels of meaning were all written down (of course we were required to) in a journal of our choice. And since then, when everything seem to be too much to bear and too much to take, I always find refuge in the blank pages of my journal.

This was the time, when all my creative instinct in writing poured out unconsciously. The pressure to be different in style and in depth was very much overwhelming that sometimes you recall an incident as something that happened, were actually just written and never did occur in reality.

Now thanks be to blog, everywhere you go, there are references to blogs. Weblogs nowadays are not just for keeping secrets (the hell you can). But also turns out to be a billion dollar business enterprise for entrepreneurs and business minded yuppies. Blogs also became vehicles of artistry and craft were paintngs and art are exhibited. But some never lost the true essence of blog writing: Most blogs express themselves in different hues of emotions, principles and purposes. Yes! The blogosphere -> the World Wide Web environment in which bloggers communicate with each other (Microsoft® Encarta® 2006.) is a kaleidoscope of various genres and style imaginable.

Some people write blogs for the mere purpose of business. Others are a form of flattery and flamboyance. Many venture for journal purposes and personal diaries. While others, use blogs as their medium of discovery for future careers. Others may have written their own because of a hobby, passion or desire. While few use them as a vessel for personal interest, some just ride on the trend: writing some few lines, or scratching other pages of the web or any possible “blog” material like poems, articles and most commonly “songs” and commit forgery by posting others’ work in their blog without much courtesy to sources and web address. But no matter what the purpose is, blogs are intangible signs of human contact. It is an unconscious desire to reach out to people and express one’s individuality and uniqueness in the form of the written word.

I called my own blog as “LIGHT AND SHADES IN THE GREATER SCHEME OF THINGS” because I hold a conviction that life does not exclusively consist of Black or White. There would always be shades of gray. Life is a kaleidoscope of experiences and phenomenon, full of color and vividness, unique to the individual and mysterious to perception of others.

“In the Greater scheme of things” is a phrase, which I took from one of my favorite songs, Pilgrim’s Theme. The song inspires me so much to look for my place in life. The song is dynamic, moving and in continuous traversal, has this sense of calling that each person in this universe could somehow fit in his own niche in life: a deep sense of meaning in living. And from time to time, I change the background song, depending on the mood I have or inspiration which I have at that present moment.

Many people whom I encountered here on the net mistook blog as something made for those who can communicate well or are well versed in the English language. They also mistook blog as something for people to brag their lives about or flaunt their lifestyle so others may feel inferior to them. These are all bull!

Blogs are for everybody. You have all the freedom to write anything and everything you want in your own blog. People can say so many things, both pleasant and unpleasant in what you write, but always remember that no one aside from you has any right to determine what should and should not be written there. There will always be comments and second thoughts, doubts and incredulities, but they have no single right of criticizing you and your blog. It is your way of expression, your outlet, your own world. And it’s their damn problem if they can’t stand your blog. Like you and me, they have the right to read your blog because the mere fact you posted it on the internet is somewhat understood that you want others to read it. They could either take or leave it and never comeback. Respect should always be the first virtue in reading a blog. Because blogs are the arena for ultimate freedom fighters, respect for individuality and free expression should be the beacon to guide each reader.

I have this few handful of friends who sent me messages in my inbox complimenting me of the things I write in here. I just replied a simple thank you and a little bit of background of why I have written such posts. But at the back of my mind I want to tell them the truth behind my posts. Initially it was not written to satisfy the urge of the readers’ because like I said before, until now, I have never developed any confidence towards journalism. It was purportedly my hunger to write that made me dwell on my blog. It’s for my own satisfaction. An outlet where I could always be myself regardless of the pressure and frustrations the world is giving me. That’s why most of my posts here are so personal and spiritual that sometimes readers cannot understand and relate. It is because it was not meant for others to read but for me.

But as I blogged on continuously, I noticed that some readers are able to relate with my experiences. This somehow changed my view on my blog: that humans are really by nature social. They tend to look for mediums were their experiences could be familiar to someone or vice versa. People need to identify with one or more people with same experiences in order to feel that they belong somewhere, somehow. And these can sometimes be found in blogs.

It is quite a risk actually to write a blog because in every post you write, you always make yourself vulnerable to judgment, ridicule, suspicion, criticisms and comments. It’s what my mentor in the seminary call as “Skin Peeling Experience”… Para ka’ng binabalatan ng buhay (it’s like your skin is being peeled off alive). It is because that your intimacy, personal judgments and thoughts of everything around you, and deep emotions, are shared to the public, that often than not, are misconstrued according to their limited understanding of what you are going through. But the challenge of blogging is not on the sphere of thinking of what the next topic would be. But to face every criticism that comes with it. People can never be pleased no matter how you try. That is why when blogging, always consider what you feel. To hell what others might think of you.

In this age of cyberspace, people try to hide and mask their real identity behind fake profiles, borrowed pictures, pseudo identities, chats, emails, messengers and make-belief stories of self triumph and social success. But to stand out from the rest, to go against the trend, and to oppose the society’s standard in the internet, is to reveal your real self and real identity amidst throngs of copy cats and pseudo intellectuals.

The true challenge in Blogging is not on the aspect of writing, but on how much you can share and invest from your personal experiences, thoughts and ideas, so that others may benefit. It is not always about you, because sometimes, everything about you can someday save or change the lives of others.

Start to blog, and see how you can extend the next chapter of other people’s lives.