OTWOMD | Bluepanjeet.Net

Middle of my siesta, a friend sent me an SMS message. “Pare ang sama ng loob ko ngayon, nagpapaligaw na si Kyla, masisiraan nako�. (Hey, I’m bitter right now, Kyla started dating somebody, I’m going crazy here). I continued the SMS exchange, until he finally ended the conversation with a suicidal tone. Knowing the guy, I know he’s serious and vulnerable. Without any hesitation, I went to his house to prevent anything foolish that he might do. On my way to his place, I sent him funny messages and green jokes just to cheer him up. From time to time, I kept asking him to text back just to know if he is still okay. When I finally arrived there, the man was so depressed that he canould not even verbalize the right words. We exchanged stories of what had happen, and somehow I know a little bit of the history because I talked to kyla before. I understand what he is going through at that moment. Napakahirap bumitaw lalo na pag mahal mo (It is hard to let go especially when you love someone).

But I told him of my insights and reflections on what and why it is happening to him. Sino ba naman sa atin ang di nakaranas bumitaw kahit ayaw mo? (Who among us did not experience letting go of something even though if we do not want to?) Letting go is hard, I know… I should know. But there are ways to move on and go on with life. Here is some of what I told him in order to let go of his pasts and attachments… this may not be effective for some people, but to me it is:

1. Suppression. Others may think that this gives a negative impact, but actually its vice versa. According to Psychiatry, this defense mechanism belongs to Level 4. Meaning it is the most common defense mechanism used by people in order to move on with life. A certain author also mentioned that it is the most mature way of dealing with problems. This does not mean that you will completely ignore the problem because it would not help either if you do. You will just have to suppress the feelings for a while, while you are still vulnerable, until you are ready to face it in your own time and in your own pace. It is like keeping something fragile in a secure place to protect it from further risk.

2. Speaking of keeping something; hide everything (and do not throw) that the person gave to you. If upon seeing these things, it makes you remind of the person, keep it in a safe place where you can hide it. Just so you won’t always remember the pain.

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3. Avoid conversations that will lead to a topic about him or about your relationship. Tell someone that you don’t want to talk about it so that the pain wont hurt that much.

4. Avoid knowing the latest bits and pieces about the person. Don’t ask about the person so that you can attain peace of mind. Paranoia starts from a unsuspecting rumor or hearsay. Often times, people assume, especially when they are vulnerable. This does not help you are not in his shoes..

5. Leave her in peace. Don’t text her, don’t give any love letters or bug her on the phone. Let the person think for herself. The same with you, don’t answer her calls and her text messages if you are not yet ready to talk to her and face her.

6. Go out with friends. Your world does not revolve around her. You can hang out with many friends. Focus on their individual characteristic. Enjoy the moments with them because if your presence is there, but your mind wanders in somewhere else, it is useless.

7. Busy yourself with work, with chores or anything. Try cross stitching (I never done this promise!), embroidery, weaving, crocheting, and knitting. Try wood works, carpentry, masonry, laundry, bar tending, stripping, hooking (just a tease), fishing even plumbing jobs, handy man temps and super works… anything that would make you busy and forget about her.

8. Watch movies. Choose comedy flicks; no horror films, love stories, tragic endings, psychological thrillers, crime nights and even romantic comedies. Just plain comedy will do. Watch anything that would stretch those facial muscles of yours even for a short while. Also, avoid listening too sentimental music, mp3’s and CD’s alike. Lock all of it in a vault or if not, try to blow up videoke bars or radio stations that always make you sob and cry. Boycott bands and singers who knew nothing but to sing and play heart-breaking songs that keeps you in pain. Try also to get a legal representative to represent you in court. You may end up in jail after blasting some bars and radio stations. I suggest you consider subtle alternatives. lol.

9. Find other subliminal channels like basketball, volleyball, badminton, again… cross stitch… gymnastics for instance can keep you on your toes, but make sure that you know your way through the parallel bars, pommel horse and the vault. Call paramedics to stand by just in case…

10. Never, be alone for a long time. Don’t rot in your room. You are not an agar for mushroom cultivation and bacterial culturing. Find a worthy companion and someone to talk to. Just make sure that the person who will accompany you is not too sentimental than you. That would really be a problem. You might end up cheering him up instead of him making you smile. Talk to your mom, to your dad or to a cousin, a friend… Talk to anyone just to keep you away from your loneliness… If worse comes to worst, talk to your dog. Surely and the end of the day, you will end up barking with him.

11. Try new things you have never done before like biking, trekking, car racing, road trips, fishing, and mountain climbing (but never try bungee jumping without the ropes).

12. Have a goal. If before you don’t have any objective on your life, then try to bring back the focus. Maybe God is telling you to get back on what you missed especially in life. Don’t even think of getting back on those missed calls.

13. Look on other’s misery. Visit prisoners in the jail, go to hospitals or even attend wakes and funerals. You will see that there are people who are suffering harshly compared to you. They have bigger problems to fix than your broken heart. Try to come out of your shell. You are not the sole person in the planet who has problems.

14. Do not linger on false hopes. This is the only time that hope will never help. You are still vulnerable and hurting. The more you hope for the relationship, the more you expect, the more you get disappointed. Hope when you are emotionally and psychologically stable.

15. Appreciate the small things; a friend who called on the phone, a woman who smiled at you, or a child who is contented in playing with his teddy bear. Do not ignore the petty things in life because greater things start from the smallest stuff.

16. Be realistic! Life is not a movie where anything can happen according to what the director says. I quote Forrest Gump: “Life is a box of chocolate; you’ll never know what you’ll getâ€?. So do not expect what you want. Accept the facts of life. If she comes back, good!; if she does not, better luck next time. If she does not want to, fine! Tell her “If you do not want me back, to h**l with you! I will go to the people who needs me and loves me.” Always think positive.

17. Read a book. Sometimes we learn life’s lessons from a page-turner. FHM and playboy magazine are not considered books.

18. At night, go through what you have done during the day and try to do it the next day if you failed to do so. This brings back control and focus in your life. It is always healthy to keep in touch with your inner self. but not too much or you’ll end up on the opposite side your gender.

19. Avoid dangers like high places, pointed edges, sharp blades, strong ropes, toxic chemicals, poisonous substances or anything that would provoke you in doing something foolish. Do not be a fool. If you would contemplate on doing something to hurt yourself, you are sending the wrong message. You are just showing her how weak you are and you will just convince her that breaking up with you is the right decision after all. She would be more impressed with you if you bear all things in silence and calm. In that case, she might even go back to you. It is because the more you show them that you desperately need them, the more they feel that you cannot live without them, thus she might play with your emotions. Take it easy. Hang on.

20. Pray and Trust the Lord. (and not the condom). The only one who knows about tomorrow is God. He alone and no more! Pray whenever you fear of losing someone that, He might help you accept it. “The Lord giveth, the Lord has taken away… Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Prayer of Job).

No one can really tell if you are meant for each other. But if time comes if you really love each other, why not? What I have written here is for short-term use only. Never use it for long term coping because it tends to defeat the purpose. If you are already strong, then face it. Life is no haste, but a gradual development.

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