Hello Bluepanjeet

First of all I want to congratulate you on your blog. Your blog is really awesome. Hindi ako madalas nagcocomment pero palagi ako nagbabasa since January pa nung makita ko ang blog mo.

Gusto ko lang humingi ng advice kasi pakiramdam ko eh parang sasabog na ang dinadala ko sa dibdib.

Miyembro ako ng isang barkadahan dito sa La Salle Dasma. Magkakaibigan kami since first year College, gagaraduate na kami this coming April. Maganda ang samahan namin kasi walo lang kami sa barkadahan. We treat each other as brothers and sisters and somehow we built the foundation of our friendship in our Charismatic Group were we all belong. But lately I felt literally alone. Partly because some of them doesn’t want to talk to me and mostly because they are avoiding me. I really do not know the reason why. I’m not perfect because I’m only human. Among the eight of us, ako yung pinaka maboka.

Sabi nila wala daw akong manners at palengkera daw ako pero ganun naman talaga personality ko ever since na nameet ko sila.

Nagsimula kasi sila lumayo sa akin dahil sa boyfriend ko na nirereklamo nila kasi daw sya daw ang nakakasira ng barkada namin. Wala daw ginawa ang BF ko kungdi gumawa ng intriga at gulo. Hindi ko naman sya pwede iwanan kasi mahal ko sya and I really don’t want to choose between my barkada and him.

Then lumala pa yung issue kasi one time nagpaparty isa friend namin sa beach. Ang usapan ay potluck. So may dala kami ng kanya kanya pagkain. Nung nagkakainuman na kami itinago ko yung isang bote ng softdrinks at isang chichiriya kasi fave ko yun. Nagalit sila sa akin kasi nga daw para sa lahat yun at hindi para sa akin.

And another one after that is when a friend of ours just came home from Germany. He stayed there during vacation. So when he came back he treated us in a bar. So ang ginawa ko nangolekta ako ng pera bilang cip in. Hanggang sa nakalimutan ko na sya ibalkik sa mga friends ko when our friend paid the bills. Ayun simula non unti inti na sila lumayo sa akin.

Lalo na sila hindi nagpakita sa akin when I started telling the story to the whole Charismatic community. I was just searching for some comfort why I did that. Masama ba yon?

And lately Ive been seeing their pictures in their MySpace and Multiply account. They are now going out without me. I feel betrayed and I think its unfair that they are treating me like this. They could have just told me right to my face the reasons why they hate me because for me that is the ultimate definition of friendship. Masaktan na ang masasaktan basta sabihin lang sa akin ng harapan.

Sinulatan ko na yung ibang friends namin na hindi naman damay sa issue para gumawa ng paraan para masave ang mga friendship namin. Dapat kasi they should serve as bridges since I feel they are doing nothing with this issue. It really hurts me when they go out without me.

Please give me an advice on what to do.

Respectfully yours,
Valerie of Dasma

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Dear Valerie of Dasma

First of all I would like to thank you for your honesty. We appreciate your trust here at OTWOMD.

Let me start by saying that you are a good person no matter what others are telling you. I would just like to give you a point by point answer to what you have experienced above.

1). You should have talked to your boyfriend to lessen the gossip and intrigues between your friends since it is not healthy mentally to create chaos and divide the group. As his girlfriend you should have stood up in terms of principle for your friends since your BF is obviously creating such issues that are not anymore good for the others. Some people may dislike rumors, gossip and petty issues since most of the people nowadays are already burdened with so much trouble and putting a solid group into turmoil is the least thing they want to have. My bishop, who is already dead by the way, always tells us this axiom:

Great people talk about ideas
average people talk about things
and small people talk about other people’s lives.

God loves the peacemaker. Maybe you should ask him and talk to him why he behaves that way, Maybe he has problems that he needs to tell somebody. Did you try to talk to him in a way that is not judgmental?

2). The mere fact that you agreed in potluck parties just means that everyone has the right to eat what others brought. It is what you call the “economics of sharing”. Though you may have also brought some food but everyone might also want to eat the food or drink that you kept. Is it bad to just share it with your friends? Why hide it and keep it for yourself? A cheerful giver is a happy person. Remember the five loaves of bread that Jesus miraculously multiplied? The lesson in that parable is for us to learn the value of giving and sharing. Though you meant well, yet it is still not proper nor ethical to keep something that is really meant for public consumption. Always keep in mind of the welfare of others before yourself because once you share something with others, contentment will finally sink in.

3). The money you have collected should have been returned to the proper owners no matter how long it will take you to return it. The point is it is not yours and anything that doesn’t belong to you should be rightfully returned. Your friends might think of you as a swindler, lets hope they don’t. But would you risk your self-respect and dignity just for the meager amount that was not yours to keep in the first place?

4). Any problem that involves a number of people should only be solved within that circle. It is not nice and ethical for you to blurt the problems of your group among the members of the charismatic community. They cannot do anything except listen and probably talk about you and your friends. The best way is talk to the people involved and not broadcast it to some who have no idea about what you and your group are going through. You see, when you broadcast a certain problem to people who doesn’t know the real story or what really happened, prejudice will surely take precedence before solution can be attained.

5). So what if they go out without you? Is your life revolving around them? Do not force yourself into people who doesn’t want you anymore. That for me is the maturest way of dealing your situation. Friendship are not just based on gatherings and gimmicks. Friendship stays regardless whether you are invited or not. I believe that they have the right to invite anyone they want. Don’t feel left out or insecure whenever they meet because it will be good for everyone to just simmer down when the heat is still rising into the air. Maybe your friends just wants to take everything gradually or take a cool break until they are ready to see you. You know, not all people are the same. We have different levels of maturity and tolerance, and for that matter threashold of forgivenss. You cannot force anyone to forgiive if they are not yet ready. Basing on your letter, I sense that you are so eager to make up with them but have you ever thought that they might not be ready to face you after what you have done to them? You cannot force them to like you nor to forgive you if they doesn’t feel that way. You may be ready but how about them? It just boiuls down to respect for what other feel. Let time alone be the judge of everything between you and yur friends. Another one is maybe the reason why some of your friends are not telling you staright to your face the whole enchilada of problems you and your BF created is because maybe they dont want to hurt you. You see, you have to take consideration of their feelings to. The mere fact that they have put up on you after all these years regardless of your personality (according to you) just proves that they are your friends. Its just that not all people are like you. Always consider others and put yourself in their shoes and then you will learn what Im talking about.

6). Do not drag others that are not involve with the issue since it will only create a bigger gap between you and your friends. In terms of problems, the more people are involve, the harder to patch things up. Never ever ask others to solve the problem for you since it is not their obligation as your friends to be your spokesperson or your bridge for that matter. You cannot demand anything from them since they are not involved. If you insist that others have the obligation to be your and your friend’s “go-between” then the result might be catastrophic. They might avoid you as well since the conflict is getting deeper and wider. It would really help you if you just let them be and not make a big deal out of it since everyone of us were created to stand on our own feet and have the freedom to choose who we want to be associated with. Some people choose to be neutralk so better not drag them to issue that they are not involved with since you might lose them as well. Putting the blame on others for your faults and that of your friends is very childish since we only see that kind of behavior among kids who needed some referee and go betweens when they are fighting. You and your friends are old enough to settle the conflict by yourselves. Don’t punish your existing friends by putting them in between to smashing boulders.

To sum up, I guess you need first reflect on yourself if you have done something wrong since reading your letter, I never saw any reference with regards to admitting your fault. You might have done something that offended them which is unknown to you or maybe you are just having a hard time accepting your part of the conflict. Learn to say sorry and begin to accept that you have made a mistake. Maturity starts with acceptance. You can never gain forgiveness if you don’t accept your fault in the first place. Because at the very beginning there is nothing to forgive.

Learn to love yourself in a way that you have to accept who you are and the mistakes you have committed because you can never love anyone if you don’t know how to love yourself. Paradoxically, loving your self does not mean that you always take everything selfishly. The Christian meaning of loving yourself is by giving yourself more to others.

I pray that you and your friends would surpass this test of friendship.

Sincerely in Christ,

Dear Valerie ng Dasmarinas,

Dahil sa ikaw ang kauna-unahang sinagot ng A.S.K. team dito sa PostScripts, gusto ko sana ioffer sayo ang kakayahan kong manghula ng kapalaran ng iba.

Nakikita ko sa aking mga bolang krystal na may goldfish na isa kang magandang babae ngunit anorexic, may amoy sa kili-kili at may angking kasamaan ng ugali dahil itim ang gilahid mo. Kahit saan ka pumunta ay kinaiinisan ka. May pagkakataon ngang tinadyakan ka at sinabunutan ng bestfriend mo sa trabaho kasi nga ayaw mo syang bigyan ng chocnut na sya naman ang bumili.

Nagtrabaho ka dati sa isang malaking kumpanya bilang part time student worker na nilisan mo dahil lamang sa may eskandalo kang ginawa na dahilan upang sugudin ka ng isang taong malapit sa taong kinalantari mo. Likas kang sabungera kaya tuloy madami kang kinakalantari sa iskul nyo. Hindi mo maikaila ang totoo kaya nilisan mo na lang ang kumpanya at nagtinda ka na lang ng lugaw sa sabungan. Minsan nga umeekstra ka pa sa derby bilang score gurl at pag taladang wala ay dispachadora sa byaheng pala-pala.

Ikaw ay may dalawang anak na ngunit di mo sinasabi sa iyong BF na ang mga ito ay anak mo sa isang astronaut na may pagkalaki-laking spaceship at ang isa naman ay anak ng kamukha ni Long Mejia na kahit siguro ang Panginoon ay hindi maiintindihan kung bakit ka pumatol sa kanaya. Wala kang balak sabihin sa iyong BF dahil baka hindi ka nya pakasalan at hindi tuloy mapupunta sa’yo ang mamanahin ng BF mo sa kanyang lolo na hindi mamtay matay kasi umiinom ng viagra at may anting-anting galing kay Ramon Revilla.

Ikaw ay mahilig mang-lamang ng kapwa. Kinukupit mo ang pera na ambagan ng iyong mga kabarkada. At ang paratang nila sayo na ibinulsa mo ang ambagan noong dumating ang kaibigan nyo galing Germany ay totoo dahil may nakakita syo habang sinisilid mo ang pera sa pantalon mo. Ang isa ay babaeng di ka magustuhan dahil nga sa madaldal ka at ang BF mo at ang isa naman ay yung kaibigan mong dumating galing Germany kasama ang asawa nya.

Meron kang terndency na maging matapobre, madamot, selfish at mapagimbabaw. Nung minsan kinainisan ka ng mga bago mong katrabaho sa isang part time Job sapagkat may pinagalitan ka na Janitor na kung murahin mo ay ganun na lamang. Hindi naman tunay ang dahilan mo sa BF mo na hindi ka day-off mo sa luma mong trabaho at sa bago mong trabaho ngayon, dahil ang totoo nyan ay lumalakwatsa ka kasama mo ang kung sino sinong parokyano na mahilig sa biglang liko.

Hindi mo naman talaga mahal ang BF mo dahil ang totoo nyan eh takot ka lamang dahil wala ng ibang seseryoso sayo dahil nga para kang karinderia na bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain (di ba tita shawee?).

Ang nakikita ko sayo sa hinaharap ay tuluyan ka nang mawawalan ng kaibigan. Iiwanan ka nila isa isa sapagkat social climber ka at wala kang inisip kungdi sarili mo lang. Lalaon ay maghihiwalay kayo ng BF mo sapagkat iiwanan ka nya dahil malalaman nya na isa ka palang lalake na nagpaopera lamang kay Dra. Belo.

Kung noong una ay sinasagot sagot ka lang ng mga anak mo, darating ang panahon na sasampalin ka na nila ng tig magkabilang pisngi dahil nga nababaliw ka na sa sobrang saklap ng buhay mo. Susulat ka ngayon sa maala-ala mo kaya ngunit di nila isasadula ang kwento mo sapagkat hindi sila makapaniwala na sa totoong buhay ay may isang tao na parang poinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Kaya tuloy isusulat mo na lang ang buhay mo at gagawa ka ng iyong autobiography tutal naman magaling ka na talagang magsulat sapol ng natuto ka ng pagiging kubradora sa Jueteng. May maglilimbag ng iyong sinulat ngunit hindi bilang isang autobiography kungdi bilang isang erotic novel dahil sa sobrang dami ng kalaswaan sa buhay mo ay mas bagay ito sa Harlequin at Mills and Boons.

Isasapelikula din ang buhay mo pero hindi ito masyado kikita dahil lalagyan ng MTRCB ng triple X rating.

Hahantong ka sa wala at ikaw ay tuluyan nang mag G-GRO kahit 50 anyos ka na tutal naman hindi mo na talaga makuha sa Trosyd at Dermalin ang taglay mong kakatihan.

Hindi ka magiging masaya kasi ingitera ka sa magandang kapalaran ng iba. Ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit ka nagrereklamo na di ka isinasama ng iyong mga kaibigan ay hindi dahil sa namimiss mo sila o nasasaktan ka dahil kaibigan mo sila, kungdi dahil sa hindi ka makakaytikim ng libre dahil di ka naman bumubunot twing kakain kayo o lalabas kayo, ang dami mo pang umorder na parang ikaw ang may ari ng bar.

May taglay kang kayabangan kaya naman wala nang naniniwala sayo. Nagpatingin ka sa doktor at laking gulat mo na nakita ng doktor na ang dila mo ay may hiwa sa gitna. Ipinaglihi ka pala sa ahas, di mo man lang nakuhang sabihin sa Pinoy Records ni Manny Pacquiao. Likas kang sinungaling at sa bawat sampung salita mo, ni isa ay walang totoo maliban na lamang sa sagot mo sa iyong midterm exam.

At yung nagiisa mo na pinsan na lagi mong kinakaladkad sa mga lakad ay magtatago na rin sayo dahil palagi mo sya niyayaya kumain at mag-grocery eh sya naman pala ang magbabayad. Kaya simula sa mga oras na ito, may picture ka na sa mini stop kasi ilang beses ka na nila nahuling nag shoplift.

Pero sa dinami-dami ng masasamang vibrations na nakikita ko, may na-aaninag ako na malaking swerte na darating sayo ilang araw mula ngayon. Tatama ka sa Lotto at kukunin mo ang premyo mo na isang libreng taya dahil 3 numero mo ang kaparehas ng nanalong kumbinasyon.

Pasalamat ka ineng at di ko pa sinulat dito kung paano ka yayao sa mundong ibabaw.

Mag-ingat ka ngayong oras na ito sa pag-inom mo ng tubig sapagkat mabibilaukan ka at lalabas ang tubig sa ilong mo na may kasamang kanin, ulam at kulangot. Huwag mo masyado dib-dibin ang mga nangyayari sa iyo, may likod ka pa.

Nagmamahal,