OTWOMD | Bluepanjeet.Net

It was an ordinary day for me. Everyone seems so busy. People going in and out of shopping malls, groceries, delis and wet markets: all chasing the New Year rush. But me? I stayed home. Well I’m alone in this big house (since my mom and dad went to the US), and was thinking of sleeping until the day after, without celebrating the coming New Year. I had a “pancit canton” (stir fried instant noodle) and a cupcake for New Year’s Eve “media noche” (midnight meal). Don’t feel sorry for me, it’s my fault. I’m too lazy to buy groceries and just settled for instant junk foods. Seriously, I have no energy to celebrate this day. Who would be if you were alone in a house situated in a middle of a meadow? Well to cut the exaggeration, my sister and her family live just across our house. Well I’m not alone if I tried to go out of my mole hole, but I guess it’s my stupid and stubborn choice.

Anyhow, I felt better when my sister told me that I do not have to cook for New Year’s Eve. She said that it’s all on her and her husband. Quite a relief actually; I don’t have to go to the city and crush my way in among crowded malls and shops (I’m claustrophobic by the way). Let us just say that my reason is just an excuse for a lazy option to stay home and remain unaffected (apathetic huh?).

It is not New Year when my mom and dad’s dishes are not around on the table. and perhaps it wouldn’t be New Year to me without hearing my mom shout “Happy New Year”. Or seeing my dad half-drunk from celebrating the event prior to its commencement. (I came from a province where drinking is a form of traditional socialization rather than psychiatrically labeled disorder or vice for that matter - try to research and tell me where my province is). I tell you, 95% in our city would celebrate New Year’s Eve today, tipsy and groggy as they watch the sky, lined with fireworks. But like my fellow “City-zensâ€?, I too am a drunkard (at least for the people out side our province) but I never liked the idea of celebrating Christmas eve, New Years eve and Easter Sunday with the influence of alcohol. It is somewhat awkward for me since those days are meant to celebrate the Lord’s presence to man (preachy, preachy, preachy!). In short, with all these crap I mentioned, I just want to say that I miss my mom and dad. For years, we have been celebrating Christmas and New Year together. This was the only time I would celebrate the holidays with out them (well in the seminary, we would have our vacation with our family starting Christmas day until three kings, so that makes an exception).

During the evening, I went to the parish with my sister and her husband and with my niece and nephew to attend mass. In the middle of the sermon, the priest showed a framed front page of Philippine Daily Inquirer with a big picture of two kids waving a sparker (lucis) in circles. I was wondering:

“What could be so special about that picture even going into extreme of laminating it for safe keeping? Maybe the priest was a headline last year from molesting brown garbed manangs (old women parishioners)”

But the picture in the framed newspaper was more interesting than what I “sinfully” thought of the priest. When I looked closer, before it was even explained to the people during the sermon, I noticed that in far sight, the picture resembles that of a Madonna and child icon. And I was right. The priest kept the front page to remind its witnesses that during New Years day, its not the date and time that should be celebrated but the actual feast of Mater Dei (Mary Mother of God). And indeed, the priest has a point:

“Even in our most preoccupied times, our heavenly mother accompanies us to remind us that she’s always with us, even if we do not see her”.

The priest’s word touched and aroused me. For 2 weeks now, the Image of Our Lady of Fatima is enshrined in our living room. There is a community rosary that roams our village once a week and enshrines the image to every house for 1 week. But the people who brought the Image in our house two weeks ago told me that I am very much fortunate and blessed because I am able to celebrate the holidays not with my mother, but with the Mother of God. How’s that for a blessing?

After that blessing filled awakening, I began to pray for everybody whom I know. And thanking the Blessed mother and the Lord for not leaving me alone during the entirety of my solitude in my parent’s house. When I came back from the mass, I cleaned my room and certain portions of the house. I switched on all the lights (you will not believe this; I did not have any Christmas lights or a single Christmas décor installed in our house because of my sentiments in celebrating the holidays alone). I turned on all the appliances (of course except my mom’s hair blower and curling iron. What do you expect? I’ll curl my hair with my right hand and lighting a sparker on the other hand?), lit the candles of the altar and of the Virgin’s Mary, and opened all the windows and screen doors. This is my gesture of letting all the bad spirits inside the house leave in the presence of the Mother of God and graces of the New Year and God’s charity enter my parent’s domain. My loud speakers on my room were in full volume playing an alternate genre of pinoy rock and religious songs form M.V Francisco. For me it was a celebration of the human spirit and the spirit of the living God. Human as I am, I am under the will of the Divine. Playing in alternate the pinoy rock and liturgical songs was my way of telling Him that my whole humanity is His, surrendering to His divinity. Well of course I did not prostrated my self on the floor naked just like St. Francis did on the snow (the floor tiles are too cold for my nipples) nor did I burn my self in a stake, filled with firecrackers just to let renew my faith and my surrender to him. It was a spontaneous burst of joy and celebration upon realizing that during my isolation from the social world, He and his Mother did not abandon me. After five months of loneliness of living alone with 75% of the day with no one to talk to (It’s another story), I’m still in one piece and breathing. And yeah, still able to think straight without any trace of insanity.

When 2007 has finally arrived, everyone was outside their homes, watching the fireworks, lighting their own or throwing firecrackers with each other (you have to duck or jump, or shield from it with your shiny metal bracelets unless you’re a flying heroine– it’s really your choice). Well, I’m with my sister and her family (*sigh, hope the future new year I could have a family of my own), and we were enjoying the moment by firing up the “fountains” and whistle bombs. Actually, there is no problem in our village because we are surrounded with rice fields and meadows so the firecrackers are blasted in the direction of the vast field.

I noticed this kid and told him to be careful in lighting up firecrackers. He told me that he is safe because he was using a “katol” (mosquito coil) tied at the end of a long stick to ignite sparks and fires. For a moment there, I was convinced of his wit, young as he is, because I use the same technique when I was just his age, until I heard a loud cry. The kid who failed to make the “bawang” (beetle dung crackers) explode, retrieved it assuming that there was no spark, and suddenly, it blew right there and then from his hand. I managed to give the boy some first aid and his brother rushed him immediately to a nearby hospital.

After the incident, the noise, the jubilation, the short-lived happiness and peace of everyone, was replaced by silence. Everybody was already inside his or her own houses, either saying a prayer or eating their thanksgiving meal. Me, I had the delicious dinner with my sister and her family. One and a half hour after New Year came, I was already lain in my bed and reflecting about my new year phenomena.

You see, every one of us has this innate desire to seek refuge and be dependent with our mothers in some aspects of our life. No matter how old one gets, the mother will always be an Icon to be sought of whenever problems arises. Though I am very independent in most of my living as an individual, I still cannot deny the fact that there are instances wherein I unconsciously seek the help of my mother. Especially when things I need to do is not my cup of tea. For instance, tending the plants, sewing shirts and pant zippers, arranging curtains etcetera. But today, life is different for me since my mom and dad, whom I missed so much, are celebrating New Years eve elsewhere in the world.

Mothers hold us tight and firm whenever we are trying to learn on how to walk during our toddler years. And when she thinks we can already stand on our won, she let’s go of her hold on us and watch us from a distance as we walk away towards our independence.

Once, twice or even a dozen times in our lifetime, we look for the same mother whom we left behind and again seek refuge and consolation just like we did when we’re still at her bosom, cuddled with love and protection. Time will come when all of us can proudly say to our own mothers:

“Thank you mom, you never left me. I’m now standing on my own feet because of you”.

By the way, the kid that I just told you about awhile ago, the one who had a blast of firecrackers in his hands, he seemed to perceive what I was reflecting the whole night of New Years eve and in what I’ve written in this entry. Because in the hospital, when the mother came and saw that the kid’s condition was finally stable and that all his wounds were stitched, the kid proudly exclaimed upon seeing his mother…

“Look Ma, No Hands!”

Happy New Year!

If you like this post, Press the Button!