OTWOMD | Bluepanjeet.Net

I had an experiment. It is a trivial experiment but the result was overwhelming. For four years, my primary picture in friendster displayed my recent picture. You saw me: big nose, scarred cheeks and forehead, bloated face and has very large beer belly. Now who would ever be attracted to my hideous appearance? But late last Christmas, I changed my picture to that of my childhood shots. Not one of my friends (who never saw me growing up) believed that I was cute and always mistook me as a foreigner (when I was just a kid). They only ended their skepticism when they accidentally browsed my photo album in my room and saw my baby pics:

ikaw ‘to nung bata pa? bakit lumaki ka ng ganyan? (Is this you when you were still a baby? Why did you grow up like that?)

I could have spank or slapped my friends in the face right there and then, I never really had the idea if it was a compliment or sarcasm. But I didn’t. I can’t blame them. Who in their right mind would ever think that I was visually appealing in my younger years?

Some responded with awe, others with disbelief, but many are very frank in their unsolicited advice:

papayat kana kasi! mahahabol mo pa yung kagwapuhan mo nung bata ka pa (reduce your weight; you could still catch up with your lost handsomeness during your younger years).

They were giving me advices as if it was a one snap of a finger. I would have been pressured by all those aesthetic innuendos, but I dared not to waddle in the murky waters. In the first place, all of their sentiments towards my appearance are all waters under the bridge now. It’s not my style to cry over spilled milk. Not today, and definitely not this year.

I have come to accept that people are by nature judgmental in other’s appearance. Nevertheless, I need proof, especially when many of them are quite disturbed on how ugly I turned out to be after almost 30 years of existence.

About my experiment: last Christmas I placed my baby picture on friendster as my primary picture on my profile and changed my name from “Armibus” to “Army Pogi” (Army the handsome… haha the nerve!). I had this suspicion that people are only adding you or inviting you to friendster just on, the shallow basis of your damn looks on the pics.

From then on, I started to receive an “invitation to add” in my friendster account coming from different people. I tried to ignore some of them because I was in truth, very hesitant in sharing my private stuff, especially my profile to people who I do not know personally. Nevertheless, they were very persistent: They sent me smiles, messages and even bookmarked my profile. My experiment was working I said to myself.

In the next stage of my experiment, I tried to answer their messages. Their messages come in the form of:

hey, add me please or hello, can you add me as my friend?

without the courtesy of even introducing themselves. My answer always run in this context:

hello, can you tell me where you found my profile and why the heck are you adding me, since I never remember meeting you from anywhere in my lifetime, except today?

I patiently waited for their answers and to my surprise; their replies were shallower than the mud-filled puddle that I used to walk on in our rice field.

Wala lang cute ka kasi (nothing in particular, its because your cute),

curious ako kung ano na itsura mo ngayon kasi ang cute mo nung bata ka (I’m just curious on your present look, you’re so cute when you were young)

you’re profile is kinda cool, and I like your looks

and some went on too low on saying

hi! gusto mo ng sex?, add mo ako?

(hi! Do you want sex?, add me up)

I was stupefied, stunted and flabbergasted.

Are these the women of today?” I said to myself.

I was even more shocked when I tried to view their profiles. Some were teenagers, pretty girls to be precise: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 years old, early 20’s, late 30’s, yuppies, office secretaries, corporate wannabes, OFWs, you name it, they all come in different shapes and sizes.

I tell you, If they were wine, they would also come in different ages, different bottles, different brands, and different proofs.

The third step in my experiment was to burst the bubble. After reading those replies (and I still do not know if I will be flattered. Moreover, I felt that my purity and celibacy were violated), I sent them my “template” answer:

before I add you up, you might get disappointed on what you’ll discover. I am already 29 years old turning thirty, and I am not that good looking anymore, at least in my point of view (what a proud A-hole I am), coz I gained weight. I have a big nose, beer belly and a scarred face

After that last stage of experiment, the invitation to add just disappeared one by one in the blink of an eye. No more replies. No more smiles and no more bookmarks. I never heard again from them until another batch of eager friendster account owners added me up. They kept coming in queues as if I am selling my body and soul to matrons, old hags, nymphomaniacs and chubby checkers.

Nevertheless, in fairness to some people, I added them in my list because I met some of them in blog and chat communities, and close friends of my friends. Now that is an exemption, including some people who bothered to introduce themselves before I even asked them to, or those with decent pics and profiles, and people who remind me of where I met them or just telling me plainly the reason why they wanted to add me.

However, those who have pictures of actress or artists in their primary pics (we call it posers on friendster), those who have ambiguous motives, those who just view my profile then add me up or women (including half men and half women if you know what I mean) who makes indecent proposals is a NO-NO. Its not on their being or sexual preferences for that matter (I don’t involve myself in any discrimination and it’s not really a big deal for me in terms who you really are), it’s the way they carry themselves towards an unsuspecting and clueless stranger like me whom they just only met from a click away on the web.

To tell you the truth, and honestly speaking here, it is not really for me, but for them. I am trying to prevent them from further irony and disaster. I am afraid that they might kill themselves out of frustration in learning that after many efforts to convince me on why I should add them up, they will just discover that it is such a waste upon seeing my recent appearance. I do not want them to feel all guilty and disappointed on such an unworthy effort ha-ha!

Therefore, I conclude: that your worth in some peoples’ eyes is only skin-deep!

I seldom do the “browse and add” thing when surfing the net, but I too have added some people twice or thrice or a considerable number of times in my stay in friendster considering I am a total stranger to them. The only difference is, I tell them the reason why I am adding them and where I found their profile. Like for Instance the case of an Oakwood mutineer, which I sent the request of being added because I believe in their (mutineers) accusation against the government (but definitely not on their ways of protest). Or in the case of certain broadcasters whom they added me in their list because of my admiration to their courage and style of delivering worthy news and public affairs documentaries or should I say, with my favorite bands of which I really worship (hmm not idolatry huh) because of their songs and musical styles.

There is always a room to make new friends over the net, but one should always be sure that the motive is clear, pure and not vague and that courtesy be paid in proper respect. One should make friends with someone based on her being and not on her worth.

It is so strange how some people see their peers in skin-deep without taking any time or spending any effort to look deeper beyond the surface.

My valentine’s day could be very well busy If I had the insanity to let my libido work rather than my head and heart, with all those beautiful and pretty faces that landed on my profile, and those indecent proposals that I get just because of my childhood pic. Surely, all hell will break lose if I am not a smart ass (sorry for the term, I get carried away sometimes), and morally tangent. It is just a text and message away from sin, but that is not my definition of love and happiness. I’m more than that (thanks to my seminary formation and my upbringing).

I never believed that “deep” friendship (and I mean intimate), and love for that matter could start and work in front of a computer monitor. It will always be personal. Every business, every transaction, every rapport, in and out of the web, would always start in the personal level. It is the human instinct and I know you will agree with me on this, “Animals don’t do what we do”. They just scram away and look for two things: food and mating (sex in human terms, if you will forgive). We’re more than that. C’mon man, were likened to HIS image. Don’t stoop so low that you could almost kiss the earthworm!

This valentine’s day, spend time with someone you love not because of the commitment you have, nor the perks and pleasures that comes with the relationship but because you exerted effort in knowing her true value. Dig deep beneath the surface, love on the other hand start in meaningful friendships anyway. And love lasts when acceptance comes in full realization of her flaws and faults, not based on the skin alone.

This is the truth: no matter how hard you tweak your nose, shave your eyebrows, or put buns in your abs, only the maggots will be your constant admirer six feet under the ground. No one will remember that you did liposuction with Vicky Belo or had a boob job with Pie Calayan. But I’m 100% sure that when you meet someone you do not know or even remotely from the wires of your T3, and you have given them the proper courtesy and respect, they would grieve over your passing even if she’s in the Arctic and you’re in the Antarctic. Even strangers will always remember the inner beauty of a person.

At the end of every Valentine’s Day, as the sun sets on that romantic dusk, or as time runs out of tic-tacs, the bottom-line will always be love in the context of her being and not on her worth.

Beauty is never skin-deep!

Friendship is beyond the surface!

And love is always at the core of every being!