OTWOMD | Bluepanjeet.Net

Yesterday, I was watching the television while I was babysitting my 6-year-old nephew who happens to be home alone in their house. Until I briefly surfed, a showbiz oriented talk show flashing a ticker line below the screen: “Meryl and Bernard, Hiwalay na!â€? (Meryl and Bernard, Separated). Though I don’t care what happens with the celebrities’ life, but the disturbing thought was that the separation was so sudden that it didn’t even last for 5 months. I could still remember that they only got married October last year, and they were even appearing in every bit of a show in existence to announce their supposed “love” for each other. I changed channel in trying to look for a more intellectually stimulating show rather than mongering on gossips and other people’s lives. Until, I ran across the beginning of a movie, which happens to be a comedy.

As I laugh my heart out on the plot, I can’t help but notice the values injected in that movie: there was this subplot wherein two brothers were separated by family problems and after a couple of decades, the younger brother sought his older brother’s whereabouts. After 20 years, they finally meet again. And in that plot the two brothers argue about what had happen in the past and what is laid down in their present situation. It is another personality difference, which ruined their family relationship.

At about 9:30 pm, my sister and my other nephew came home. I was planning to crash on the couch for the night but decided to leave because I can still manage to head for home. When I was on my way home, I decided to drop by at my tropa’s (friend’s) house. I was thinking it was Saturday and I have this gut feeling that the whole gang was there. When I arrived at his house, I was right and wrong at the same time. Yes they were there, just happened to finish a bottle of scotch but only two of them were present and having a one on one conversation. I was so sure that the topic was again about marital problems and somehow I was right. But the topic was never again discussed during my stay. The three of us just settled for some crazy stories, business matters, work stuff and the likes. Until, one of our friend left for home because of curfew policy set by her wife (haha, that unlucky bastard). Finishing a few more drinks, my friend and his wife were the only people left to entertain my desire to connect with some species of my kind (remember that I am still alone in our house and the “mute-mode” percentage is still at its usual 80% high).

As the conversation progressed, I was flabbergasted to find myself in the shoes of a “Dr. Phil-slash-Priest counselor” persona. I was sitting at the middle of them and we were talking about their marital problems. I found myself in between them being the mediator and trying to explain to both of them what each meant when they fail to mince words in every argument that they brought up. It was as if I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was exasperated not of their belly aching with each other’s flaws but by the mere fact that they were trying to let each other hear what he/she has to say but has never really entered into their eardrums (earwax maybe clogging the sound wave). It is like hearing what the other has to say without really trying to listen…

For four grueling hours, I became their “temp therapist” trying to make both ends meet for them. Until the word, “Irreconcilable differences” came up. I corrected both of them that what they are having is not irreconcilable differences but Issues. Just for information’s sake, irreconcilable differences are too broad to define and enumerate. Issue is the politically correct and appropriate term to use. They both have issues in their past lives that end up as irreconcilable differences because both of them refuse to move on, to listen, and to accept each other, to support each other and forget the past.

I thought the marriage was over right there and then, but I managed to divulge their psychological and emotional motives. Until they were stupefied with what I disclosed to them, learning from me (and my big mouth) that what they were, and doing was, just an act of trying to test each other’s love, which unfortunately end up by hurting each other.

Tears flowed from each other’s eyes because I finally revealed their unconscious behavior. They love each other so much that they couldn’t stand losing one another. This was the reason why they resorted to false assurances and testing each other’s love. And before I finally left, for them to talk things over (and I really want to leave at that instant because I felt that I shouldn’t be there. I have this hesitation of having knowledge of their deep marital problems. Reality check, I am not the one who is married to them) I ended my role with a dialogue consisting of an unsolicited advice:

“Move on together, learn from your experiences and forget the past. Give and take and listen, for the bottom-line in every problem is love. At the end of the day, no matter how flared up you are, the bed at night is still the confession room of every married couple, love in the end is what matters most!”

Before the word irreconcilable differences popped up that day, It has been already significant during this week for there was this friend, (who I happen to know for years), who shared to me his irreconcilable differences with his sibling-brother a day before Saturday. I tell you, “Irreconcilable Differences” was the word of the week, from fiction flicks, to celebrity gossips and to real life stories of people around me.

Last year, a friend of mine had a dream. He narrated to me in detail:

They attended a fiesta in one of their relative’s house and with him is his brother, his sisters and parents. When night came, the family went ahead for home leaving him and his brother. He looked for his brother who happens to be missing at that time. When he searched the neighboring household of their relatives, he found his brother drinking with some of his friends near a lamp post on the side street (well it was a dream). He approached the gang and they invited him to join. When the bottles dried up, he and his brother went home, traversing a dark barrio alley. His brother was a couple of meters behind him. When he turned around, he saw gangsters wearing jerseys and slippers surrounding his little brother. They were about to mug him. He ran towards them to protect his brother but before he even got the chance to shield him from the numerous punches that was thrown in the air, the throng of bums attacked his brother and beaten him almost to death. As they beat him up, Strange enough, the mob did not even hurt him, only his brother. When they finished assaulting the blood covered brother of his, he embraced him lifeless on the ground and crying “Kapatid ko to, kapatid ko to” (this is my brother, this is my brother). With his burst of anger, he left his brother on the ground and ran towards a friend’s house where he borrowed a gun. He came back to the scene and shot all those who beat his brother. Some survived from that shooting and went home to fetch their own gun to counter attack. He aroused his brother and said that they have to leave before the mobs get back. His brother was still able to drive a motorcycle bike, strangely enough (As I said before, this was just a dream). He climbed at the back of motorcycle while his brother drove them both out of the area. However, the gang pursued them. There was a motorcycle chase. The younger brother drove the bike while he at the back rides, shoot on the chasers. Until a rugged turn accidentally thrown him off from the bike. His brother did not turn back to go and get him and just hurriedly went his way to safety while. His brother left him on the road at the mercy of the angry and revenge driven mob. Until, he woke up.

He asked me the meaning of that dream but I said I was not sure. I told him that maybe it was just a whimsical parody of his subconscious at work, but there were thoughts inside me that bothered me. I never did tell him that the dream could be a premonition that his brother would leave him in the air, in the midst of his troubled times. And true enough, I was right, the two brothers, 10 years of age gap, parted ways just months after he told me his dream. It is worthy to note, an example of another instance of irreconcilable differences.

For 10 months, they never saw or talked to each other. My friend left the town to pursue a career while the younger brother stayed behind to continue his studies. For ten months of trying to reach one another and trying to reconcile differences, they failed to meet in the middle. Until, time healed their respective hurts and pains.

When they finally met just last week, the two were wondering what would be their reaction upon seeing each other for the first time since their conflict arose. The younger brother was thinking that he should not be afraid of seeing him because there was nothing to be afraid of, while my friend was wondering what his reaction would be. Time came when they finally met. There was no gap, no awkward moment, and no silence. It was as if they have just met yesterday. My friend told me that the meeting was so ecstatic that the only thing, which he and his brother did, was laugh and share stories of each other’s experiences in the past ten months. There was no bellyaching, no blaming and no finger pointing.

I have been a witness of their arguments and quarrels and sometimes I see and wonder why they became brothers. with all their obvious similarities in personality, likes and dislikes, tastes, level of thinking and experience in their family, they somehow end in conflicts which both should have gave way but ended up losing respect for each other and control of their temper. I tell you, they are more twins than brothers are. You would not see them show their closeness in public but when you sit down with the two of them, you will never have a doubt that it could be possible that one is a reincarnation of the other (a metaphor if you will excuse me). But with these similarities come their differences. It is true that like poles repel. They have fought their very self-when they tried to humble each other. This proved the phrase “irreconcilable differences” as a fallacy rather than truth.

I never believed in irreconcilable differences in the first place because this phrase is just a lame excuse for a pride-driven stubbornness to charity and generosity. It is true that differences arise in every relationship conceivable, but it will only be irreconcilable once you let it be. It shows the reality of the limits of human perseverance and fortitude. That sometimes we thought that there is no more hope. And that there are souls who are too weary to go on. Nonetheless, life tells us that there is always hope in everything. It is just a matter of faith. Time is our only ally. Everything is possible.

It is so stupid how some people correlate or interpret “irreconcilable differencesâ€? exclusively in the context of wife-husband, girlfriend-boyfriend relationships. Life and relationship does not revolve around a single pole. Differences shouldn’t be viewed solely in the perspective of erotic but also in platonic and fraternal love. There would be differences in a father-son relationship, mother-daughter relationship, sister-brother relationship and all existing relationships. But no matter how we deal with irreconcilable differences, it will all boil down into one truth: That love conquers all that any irreconcilable differences will be reconcilable if both affected side could focus on the love they have for each rather than the differences that resides in them.”

You cannot find any friend, father, mother, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, family, girlfriend, partner, wife or husband that is truly similar to you; even twins have differences. It is just a matter of acceptance, will, charity and willingness to make the reconcilable irreconcilable. People who refuse to move on and forgive others including themselves only use irreconcilable differences as an excuse. They are the people who reject the idea and opportunity of trying.

Paints become masterpieces if they are a kaleidoscope of different shades and hues pressed in a canvas because differences in colors turn a mixture into a portrait. It only depends on how you stroke it. For our differences, are the shades that color our life. Makulay ang Buhay! (Life is colorful)